he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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