With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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