i permit you to call me
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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