Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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