do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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