Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
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