I cannot find my penis.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
It's just like the Real World with babies
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
