Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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