Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
