In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize