I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
