im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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