But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Ladies don't puke and tell
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
