P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
