Your tits are I can't wait for
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
