woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Randomize
