please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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