Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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