I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
