i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
