I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
