I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
