What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Randomize
