we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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