These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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