the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
