I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
