he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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