We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
