Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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