i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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