so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
