I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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