yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
