Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
how do flat chested girls get laid?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
