HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
