can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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