Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize
