i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
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