I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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