It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
