So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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