gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Randomize
