this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
