i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
