I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
