ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Don't make out with my wife yet
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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