Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
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