Tell her she can't have a vagina
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
