Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Sober January is a disaster.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
