i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
two words...techno handjob
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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