I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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