my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize