he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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