Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
