you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
