We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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