i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
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Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
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The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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