Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
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