her vagine was all disorganized.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
