I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
