life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
