i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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