I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
