Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
