shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
