Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
