If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
