they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
