I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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