im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I woke up under a house in Key West
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
