Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
