If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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