Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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