Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize