My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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