I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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