I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
