I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
