Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
