Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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